No. 1792 - September 17th 2023
"wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww"
Transcript
Pocky:
Gay man: "My partner and I were denied to adopt because we're a same-sex couple."
Black man: "A cop pulled a gun and threatened me during a routine traffic stop."
Jewish man: "My house of worship was vandalized by Nazis."
Me & my friend bobby tomsimph: "and we were in the great dessert of missisipi, having a blast going through our days until we saw a store and we wer elike "lets go in there". and inside there was a man who just had his penis out in a bagel so we were like "thats no way to run a bakery" and he wasd like "I hate your parents" and then started rubbing the bagel up and down his dick and we were like "this is bad for business" so we ran and then he ran really fast as he had a great maximum speed in his semen which he rubbed on his legs so he could make his way down the great dessert sidewalk. So we ran until we found the atlantic ocean which bordered Missispi, so when we got there the man from the store, whose name was Richard Bartholomew, came up and we were like "dont shoot us with your penis" but then he said "i will" and then when we looked down at his junkulars we saw it was rapidlly expanding past what was normal, and when it got to maximum length up at the tip, it started shooting out bagels, they were just flaming through the atmosphere at hihg speeds so we did the only thing we could think to do which was to jump into the Atlantic ocean (which bordered the missispi) and swam until we found an old abandoned vessel out as she, but it wasn't abandonded, it had people on it and the abandoned part was just to throw the reader off"
So, um, we noticed that the people on there were previous encounters from the Extended Journerys™ and we noticed they had a strange  look in their eyes and we knew we were fucked, they were hobos and they were entereing a hobo craze, ready to start a hobo fight which was an anomalous entitiy which when you are within range you immediately start fighting anyone near you and your house is demolished into vapor. We knew we had to run away but you cant run in the ocean, as we were tired from swimming and jerking our peens because we saw some very nice sharks out there. so we started to run in the boat, once we got into the shit we noticed there was a portal deep inside that transported us into the deeep island ocean nation of Nevada, now nevada didn't have much forest coverage, but that wasn';t true as it had large pinefields much like our home in georgia, so we ran into a nearby city where we met Mr Chicken Parmesain who offered to sell us a good food as a price of which he didn't say as he wanted it to be a surprise, so we just stuck our face in the Chicken Parmeseayan and it tasted disgusting, he has extruded his anus from his rectum and he stuck our face in there. so we ran away down the produce isle, but we could only he is rectum in the tomatoes, and they only sold tomatoes as that was the only fruit to natively grow in Nevada
So we gathered as many tomatoes as we could into our backpacks, which were...you know the backpacks that had no zipperes but just had strings but were advertised as backpacks and are just false advertising and should be made illegal in all 48 states. so we ran along into the antique shop to sell the tomatoes but the guy said "these are not antiquable do not sell to me" but we were like "nono they are antiques as they are from the great war of 1728 which happened in this very town" (it wasn't a war, it was just a dissagreement between two guys who advertised it as a war because nothing ever happens in nevada)  so instead he whipped out this giant back of sugar and sdtarted whipping the tomatoes into ketchup and said we could sell them to the local grocer man of tomatoes and then we wnet to him and said "Hey hang on bitch! I smell the missispi on you! the coastal state! no one likes coastal swtates in great island nations! You better get out of here" so his eye opened a vaccuum which sucked us up and spat us back out in Misisispi so we sat on the beach and ate our remaining tomatoes which tasted horrible as they were grown on an island, islands are never good for tomatoes as the soil contains the salt from the water and then it gets into the tomatoes and makes the tomatoes taste bad and become giant rocks of salt. but we ated the tomatoes on the beach and waited for our next great adventure the end
so i was in institute condo,the best college in the misisipi river,and our professor,his name was hangjalo,said :open_mouth: K CLASS WE R GONNA LERN 2 INSITUTE A SINGULAR MODULAR 4 AN CANON, so we were insititing out canons and everybody had their own designs,but mine was differnet becaus ei put a little flesh light on it,and i was like HEY MR HANGJALO cum here and he was like "before you have sex with ur toy besure to follow 3 simple safe t steps,step one,INSTITUTE CONDO" so i staarted to institute a condo really high up and then professor hanjallo said "and next step is to always check ur computah screen to see if there are big butts inbound" so i see it and there are none,so he says "step 3 is to prevent big cums because we dont want any messes in this labratory" so then i start jerking i start goin' to town,but then i look on my computah screen,and it says "big butts imbound",so these BIG BUMS start SMASHING from my computah screen,they're covered in cheese and cream,i was looking around and hiding under my desk like we did in the saftey protocall,and professor hanjallo got destroyed by an extra big butt and i said "hey this is kinda hot" so i fled the school and i went home to play medddabots with my brother,and he said "hey were playing for keeps,also we're going to the grand canyon on a school trip soon" the end
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No. 1952 - Saturday, February 24th 2024
"groecery stoe"

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